Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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