you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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