she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
