I could make wine with my vomit
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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