I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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