I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
