I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
