Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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