her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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