He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
