I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
