Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
