out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
