The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
