how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
