He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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