i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
