she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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