I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
