im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We are two peas in an std pod
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
