Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
