And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
