She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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