how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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