my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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