My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
