he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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