that's an acceptable place to lick
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
