...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
