I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Come share oat with me in your robe
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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