It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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