yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We got so high we made milksteak
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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