Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
