I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
