Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
one might say we're banned from that church
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
