This girl is more easily done than said...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
