my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
