its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
