I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
