i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
