Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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