He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
