I think I am morally bankrupt
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
