They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
