Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
