he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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