this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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