i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
