The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
