what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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